Christian Bale went all Batman on his own mom and sister on Sunday and allegedly assaulted them. It’s being speculated that Christian Bale was fighting with his mom and sister about money before the premiere of The Dark Knight and because it was the premiere the cops decided to wait to pick him up because hey, who wants to screw up what was sure to be one of the most packed and amazing premiere’s of all time?

Scotland Yard arrested Christian Bale this morning in his London hotel and he’s somehow considered a flight risk. That’s really weird to me because he’s charged with an assault that happened on Sunday and he’s a flight risk, yet they don’t pick him up until Tuesday? Mmmmmmk.

I love Christian Bale. I’ve loved him since I first saw him in Newsies and from what he sang, I’m pretty sure it’s not his fault he assaulted his own family. Have a read: “So that’s what they call a family, mudder, fadder, daughter, son. Guess everything you heard about is true. So you ain’t got any family? Well, who said you needed one? Ain’tcha glad nobody’s waiting up for you?” Really rips at your heart strings don’t it? The point is, Jack Christian Bale apparently grew up without a mudda or fadder or anyone to look out for him so how is he supposed to know how to act towards a mudda?

All kidding aside, I hope this isn’t true. My fantasies of him don’t have room for assault . . .

P.S. There were all these stories floating around lately about how nice Christian Bale is. He always takes the time to stop and sign autographs and be cool to his fans, so it would be interesting to hear what really happened there.

This is my official plea to celebrities, movie/TV stars if you will, trying their hands (vocal chords) at singing: LEAVE THE SINGING TO SINGERS.

Dear Scarlett Johansson and Hayden Panettiere, I know you are actually decent actors. I have a chick crush on Scarlett because I can’t believe she is my same age and has those kind of acting chops. I’ll watch anything that girl is in. As for Hayden Panettiere, I was first introduced to her in an episode of “Law & Order: SVU” in which she was playing a teenage slut who murdered someone. Now she is on “Heroes” and I think she’s perfect for the role. I obviously like these two women, and that’s why I have to break the news.

Both Scarlett Johansson and Hayden Panettiere have albums coming out. Singing albums, not photo albums which they might actually be good at. When I heard about these albums I was kind of excited because who knows what celebrities can do? However, after listening to songs from each of their albums my heart started to cry salty tears and my eyes started to cry bloody tears and my ears, well they just went deaf.

Don’t believe me? Click here to hear a bit of Scarlette Johansson (it’s actually her) and then click here to hear and SEE Hayden Panettiere’s music video. If you are wondering why you recognize Hayden’s song, it’s because it’s sounds exactly like (and exactly as bas as) Paris Hiltons attempt at singing, another celeb that can’t sing, but she can’t act either and I actually don’t really consider her a celebrity at all.

Do I think this is the worst music I’ve ever heard? Not even close, but it sure as hell isn’t good they just can’t sing like real singers. Now, one very odd case of celeb/singer is Zooey Deschanel (Elf, Failure to Launch, The Happening). Zooey can actually sing. I mean you heard her in Elf right? I love that her voice has this old timey feel to it, it’s really strong and smooth and beautiful. She’s in this band called She and Him, of which she is the “she”. I was also excited to take a listen to her and was disappointed. While her voice is great, and while I usually really like this kind of music, I don’t know WHAT they did to her. It’s very boring and vibratey and just dull music.

So once again, with the utmost respect I can give to these actors for their acting skills, LEAVE THE SINGING TO SINGERS.

I forgot to tell you but . . . Angelina Jolie had more kids this weekend. On Saturday she birthed Bratt Pitts twins and they named them Knox Leon (boy) and Vivienne Marcheline  (girl). I’m going to let you imagine how these new additions in the fight to take over the world are going to play out, but it’s fun to note that people are willing to pay over 11 million bucks for photos of these twins. Sad world.

Nothing says class like the Spears family and they proved that by making Jamie Lynn Spears an epic role model for teen girls everywhere.

In the latest edition of OK! Weekly Magazine Jamie Lynn Spears was pictured with her brand new baby on the cover with the caption “Jamie Lynn’s Baby Maddie! Being a mom is the best feeling in the world!” Now, even though exploding children for your career is always kind of a no no in my book, I understand that we all want to see the celeb babies and that it can really lend some humanity to most stars. But doing this when you are 17 years old? I don’t think so.

See, what’s going on here is a 17 year old girl who through the lifestyle and life lessons given to her by her lovely Spears family members thought she was immortal and had unprotected sex (or she was just 1 of the unlucky 0.0.1% of girls who use birth control and a condom and just had sex for the very first time, yeah right) and got pregnant at 16 years old. I find it odd, though she’s a Spears so maybe I shouldn’t, that she thinks it’s cool to be on the cover of a magazine with her baby.

It’s like saying “Hey girls, you really look up to me because I have my own TV show, but look what happens when you have a baby? You look great and you get on magazine covers and your baby sleeps all the time and you make a boat load of money. Take it from me, Zoey, do it.” Okay that’s a little harsh. But when you are just a kid and little girls DO look up to you, though who knows why, maybe you should be a little more responsible, eh?

The end.

Matthew McConaughey’s girlfriend had a baby last night. That’s so weird that a child of a star will have the same exact birthday of a child of another star, you know, Nicole Kidman’s baby.

Model Camila Alves gave birth to a 7 lb. 4 oz bouncing baby boy. This is the first baby for both of them. No name has been given yet but I’m sure it’s going to be a crazy one like “Mr. Shirtless Worker Outter McConaughey”. Camila looks like she has some class though so maybe they’ll pull out a beautiful name.

You know I liked the guy a lot more before she started living naked, which is odd because people are always more likable in the nude especially ripped tan ones, but this one and his odd smugness just turned me off. Regargless, congrats to this new little family.

Alright, alright.

UPDATE: Although I had high hopes for Matthew McConaughey’s baby to have a normal name. No such luck. This bible loving couple decided to go with Levi Alves McConaughey. Maybe it has nothing to do with the bible, maybe he just named his child after the only piece of clothing he can keep on his body.

Nicole Kidman gave birth to a beautiful 6 pound 7 oz baby girl this morning in Nashville,TN and mom and baby are said to be doing “very well”. That’s all you can hope for eh?

She’s the first baby Kidman has given birth to, although she and Tom Cruise adopted 2 kids previously, and it’s also Keith Urban’s first child.

The new baby’s official name is Sunday Rose Kidman Urban. It just proves that stars can’t get over the weird long names. I could see Rose Urban, or something like that but they just HAD to go with a 4 namer where the first name is something that no one else has.

Naming issues aside, I, as well as the whole world, couldn’t be happier for these two (now 3) cuties.  So congrats to them!

Over the weekend I got the chance to see the new Get Smart staring Steve Carell. There are a lot of reviews out there, mostly not flattering of this movie, so I thought I’d give you my Get Smart Review.

You can’t talk about Get Smart without making a comparison to the 1965 TV series staring Don Adams and Barbara Feldon. In my humble opinion the TV series and the Get Smart movie have 3 things in common. 1. Funny. 2. Clever. 3. I loved it. The story line was actually entertaining, the acting was top notch, if you remember the tv series you catch a few more funny parts and even spot a squeal going on in there.

Get Smart premise from IMDB: Bungling secret agent Maxwell Smart, also known as Agent 86 for CONTROL, is on a mission to battle the forces of their evil crime nemesis known as KAOS with his more-competent partner Agent 99, (whose real name is never revealed) at his side. When the headquarters of U.S. spy agency Control is attacked and the identities of its agents compromised, the Chief has no choice but to promote his ever-eager analyst Maxwell Smart, who has always dreams of working in the field alongside stalwart superstar Agent 23. Smart will do whatever it takes to thwart the latest plot for world domination by KAOS.

A bit about the characters. Steve Carell plays the bumbling, but funny and sometimes clever Maxwell Smart, or Agent 86. Some people are giving him a bad wrap for not being bumbling enough, because Don Adams was pretty over the top when it came to that, he even used a silly accent that Carell didn’t. I loved the series but I thought Carell played the role really well. Come on, you have to have some smarts to be a secret agent, he can’t just be a total moron. Steve Carell was funny, charming and plenty dumb.

Anne Hathaway surprised me by playing a great Agent 99. She was cool and smart and sexy and had all the right moves. She really played it up well and I believed that she could be attracted to Max. But then thats a spoiler alert.

One character that really took me by surprise was Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, though I’m fairly certain he doesn’t want “The Rock” in his name anymore. He played Agent 23, a big sexy perfect Agent that can do no wrong and also happens to be Max’s best friend. I did not think of “The Rock” once during his performance, he just seemed like a new good up and coming actor.

Additional great roles were played by the really big bad guy, the control Chief, the geek squad guys including Hiro from “Heroes” and there was a small cameo from Bill Murray as Agent 13, the guy that pops up in tree’s, vending machines, any odd place you wouldn’t find someone. There wasn’t enough of him.

Overall Get Smart was just a great movie, and I think you should go see it.

Get Smart gets 4.5/5 LJ Stars

It’s official. It was decided this morning by the Supreme Court, on a 5 to 4 vote, that individual Americans are free to own guns for self defense and/or hunting, just like the founding fathers wanted. (If you don’t believe me check out these quotes.) Basically, it has been felt that the Second Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America was a bit sketchy. Did the founding fathers mean each individual person should be able to own a fire arm legally or were they more leaning towards militias, you know, people currently serving in the military should be the only ones able to own guns?

Today they decided and I fully support that decision.

You might be thinking “What? Are you a gun nut? You must have an arsenal and kiss your guns before bed!” Not true. I don’t own a gun, I’ve never even held one and I’ve only seen my brothers hunting rifle once. Would I like to learn to shoot in case I was ever in a self defense situation? Yeah, actually I would. But I’m no gun nut.

Here’s the thing: If the government suddenly decides that only the collective (military) should be allowed to own guns here’s what happens. Joe Shmo law obeyer likes to follow the law, when the new gun law is passed he reluctantly turns in his gun to the proper authorities. He really doesn’t want to, but he know’s it’s the law. Now Joe Shmo doesn’t own a fire arm. John Doe I’m a criminal who never follows the law and loves to rob, assault and kill people, obviously doesn’t like the follow the law. When the new gun law is passed he lies about his gun. First of all it was probably stolen or bought under the table so how do you even prove he has it? Second, if he did buy it legally why can’t he just say “it was stolen, it got lost” how can authorities prove he isn’t telling the truth?

Now John Doe has a gun to intimidate you when he robs you, to assualt you with when he wants something you have or when he wants to rape you, and to kill you when he wants to do some people shootin. What does Joe Shmo do? He has absolutely no way to protect his home, family, possessions or self. He has to sit and take it because you know, he followed the law and can’t own a gun to protect himself with.

No I don’t adore guns, but I also know that if the right for individuals to own fire arms goes away, the crime rates will actually go up. Where does that leave us then? So yay for guns.

NOTE: These are only my opinions. No one is asking you to agree or disagree, but feel free to do so. We all have a right to our opinions, even at the Daily Brew.

17 year old Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth to a human baby this morning. Bring out those pink candy cigars cuz it’s a girl!!

The new baby girls official name is Maddie Briann. It’s a cute name, I’ll give her that, but why two first names? When did it become cool to be a two-name person? So what, people like me that only have one first are just out of touch with kids these days? We’re not cool enough for it? What’s so good about the two-namers? Oh yeah, I forgot who we are talking about . . . people from Louisiana. Not to get all prejudice (whoops) but a lot, I mean a LOT of people from Louisiana often have two names. Maddie Briann, Jamie Lynn, Britney Bob. You know how it goes.

Jamie Lynn opted to give birth at a hospital in M-iss-iss-ippi, near her hometown in Lousiana. She was spotted the night before eating spicey Mexican food, which should explain why she gave birth just hours later.

Congrats to Jamie Lynn. I might be hard on her, but I know she’ll make it work.

Amy Winehouse fainted in her home yesterday, presumably during a routine drug session, you know because she’s cracked out 24/7 and even though everyone wants her to go to rehab she just says “No. No. No.” HA Using her own words against her!

She fainted a little while after signing autographs for fans (She still has fans, really? Haven’t you seen her?) and her assistant called for help. Amy Winehouse was taken to a London hospital where reps say “initial tests were inconclusive and Winehouse will have more Tuesday while being kept under observation.”

Inconclusive? This girl is strung out 24/7. She doesn’t eat, she doesn’t sleep, she’s like a walking disease. Inconclusive? Hey doctors, let Daily-Brew PhD. shed a little light for you. Get her sober and she’ll be miraculously healed!