Last night was the Dancing With The Stars Finale show on NBC, and trust me, I use the term “stars” loosely. I also use the word “dancing” her loosly. Also, “with”.

I’ve never seen an episode until last night, hey it was on in the background. Here’s a quick run down.

This thing was like 3 hours long. 3 boring hours that bumped Boston Legal out for the night. Dirty. They just had everyone that got booted off come back on the show and dance the dance they got the boot to. I don’t know what they expect because more than have the time I couldn’t even tell which one was the pro dancer and which one was the “star”.

Anywho. Marie Osmond got voted off in the first 15 minutes. Scary Spice, or Mel B was a fantastic dancer who is way more technical than anyone else, but I think she couldn’t win because of discrimination. I’m talking about her chest here, not her skin color. See, dancers have to be totally flat chested, Mel B’s got great curves so she never really had a chance.

Guess who won? Someone no one knows! I mean, your favorite Dancing With The Stars star, Helio Castroneves and his dancing partner Julianne Hough. After a quick Google search I found that Helio Castroneves is a Brazilian race car drive, and ok, he’s pretty dang cute. Julianne Hough is a pro dancer, a World Champion dancer at that. Plus she won last year too while her partner was actual “star” Anton Ohno. Good for them.

Congrats to Helio and Julianne!

PS If you watch this show you are a chump…as was I last night.