A lot happened over the long Memorial Day weekend so I thought I’d give ya’ll a little Celeb Update.

While you were boating:

• Jessica Simpson and John Mayer break up, make up and break up. Talk about on again off again. I don’t even like John Mayer, but even I wish him better than Jessica Simpson.
• Lindsay Lohan crashed her car in Beverly Hills while driving under the influence…of alcohol that is. She was arrested for a DUI and will face additional charges as they found her in possession of cocaine. I’ll tell ya, that rehab works wonders.
• Miss USA ate pavement, I mean stage, during the evening wear portion of the Miss Universe Competition. I could see her falling during her talent, whatever it was. I could see her falling during a snazzy dance number, but falling while walking? That’s MY trademarked move Miss USA, back off. The audience, in Mexico, seemed to love trying to boo the Miss USA off the stage. Awe. Oh, and Miss Japan won. Score one for the smart toilet makers (see below).
• Rosie Odonnell leaves The View 3 weeks prior to the date previously announced, and no wonder. The video of Rosie’s battle with doe eyed (and brained) Elisabeth Whoseherface was everywhere last week, it was pathetic. I don’t like Rosie all that much but that Elisabeth makes my skin crawl. G’night Rosie.
• Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End opened this weekend breaking industry records, selling out theaters and bringing in $401,000,000 in its first six days. One of my friends has already seen it twice, I’m a bit behind, but don’t worry Brewsters, I’ll get on seeing that just so I can write a review for you. I know, you’re waiting with baited breath.

That’s it for our Celeb Update. Now back to your regularly scheduled…snooze inducing work day.