I don’t think I am alone when I say I was really excited to see NBC’s new Wednesday expected hit Bionic Woman. Unfortunately, from almost the moment the premier began last week I was sorely disappointed. So this is my review, a week late, dollar short.

The only way I can describe my feelings on the Bionic Woman is by saying this . . . blarrrhgy. Didn’t like it. Didn’t like one single thing about it. Let me explain.

The woman who plays the Bionic Woman is not a very good actress. The character of the Bionic Woman is not remotely interesting, which is weird because she’s all bionic and stuff. Her love interest is also not a good actor. He’s all shorter and skinnier than her, which is not really believable for me. The rest of the characters are equally forgettable.

So in the first 5 minutes of the premier we find out that Jamie Sommers (the Bionic Woman) is playing mom to her angry sister who was dropped at her doorstep because the dad is a total whacko who probably uses lots of substances and didn’t want her. We find they have a love/hate friend/foe relationship. Then we find she is dating this genius doctor/professor who specializes in what? bionical stuff. They walk around campus and for no reason start asking “why do you love me” and “no why do you love me” and “I don’t have to do everything my dad wants me to just because he’s a wealthy genius!”

Next they go to dinner and Bionic Woman is all “I’m totally pregnant!” and the doctor is like “We’ve only dated for 5 months but I’m so happy you are pregnant, in fact I love you, in fact lets get married.” Then on their way home from dinner someone runs into their car on purpose and she loses 2 legs and an arm and an ear and a leg, thus forcing her boyfriend to decide they should give her all those parts back bionically. Additionally, her boyfriend barely had a scratch. Nice.

Then she turns bionic and meets someone else bionic and they like fight, but take smoke breaks during the fight. It’s just a mess. Not to mention the fact that you can’t hear the dialoge through the background noise and music! Come on people, make a TV series already!

Bionic Woman gets 0/5 LJ Stars. Better luck next time!