Barry “The Steroid” Bonds hit his 756th home run last night at his own San Francisco field making him the dude that’s hit the most Major League home runs in the history of baseball.

Last week he reached Hank Aaron’s previous all time home run record of 755 and this week, tada! I guess the ball just went really far making it a home run and yay or something like it.

Can you guess, though, who didn’t show up for what was sure to be the home run breaking game? The baseball commissioner and Mr. Hank Aaron. So hats off to them for that one, I wouldn’t have gone to this sham of a game either.

Bonds was reported as saying, “This record is not tainted at all. At all. Period.” Riiight. What else was he going to say? “This record is totally tainted because I took performance enhancing drugs to improve my work outs and get me some extra home runs! But I did it na na na na na na.” Of course he’s going to defend it, even though we all know it’s baloney.

I’m not saying he’s not a good player, but lets not pretend he hasn’t had some help via substance.

Anyway, congratulations Barry Bonds for beating out a short, fat, drunk (The Babe), and a normal sized human being with a normal sized head and a normal sized neck and normal sized veins (Hammerin’ Hank). You must be super proud.

NOTE: Some readers were apparently upset with my description of Babe Ruth. I want to clarify that those attributes are true about the legend and were simply used to show how absolutely amazing it is that a guy in that kind of shape was an amazing baseball player and held the record for most home runs. This also shows how un-amazing it is that Mr. Bonds beat him at it…in my humble and worthless opinion. Truly, I love the Bambino.