Now I would normally stay away from anything entitled “Miss Teen…” but this year the Miss Teen USA was just to die for.

We have these tiny glamorous girls in sparkling dresses and people always say “Down with the pageants! They are only about looks and thats sending young girls the wrong message!” Then the Miss Whatever shoots back with “No it’s a smart person thing! It’s all about the scholarship!”

Here to prove the Miss Teen USA allegiance wrong is Miss South Carolina. When asked the question “A recent poll has shown that 1/5 of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?” Miss South Carolina seemed to have had her brain extracted.

Miss South Carolinas response? “I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because uh some people out there in our nation don’t have maps. And I believe our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq, everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the US should help the US or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian Countries so we will be able to build up our future.”

Now if you understood any of that I’m sorry to tell you that you aren’t a genius, you are a moron. And there we have AC Slater…I mean Mario Lopez as the host for Miss Teen USA holding the mic for Miss South Carolina and he just had this look of pity on his face, plus a nice smile.

I personally believe she was just trying to say “Me no know. Me don’t know how to find all the ground places in the universe on map.”

Her response for this humiliating experience? She said she completely misunderstood the question and didn’t do anything wrong. She just wasn’t expecting that question and lost her train of thought.”

Like such as indeed Miss South Carolina.

Check out this priceless moment for yourself at YouTube!

NOTE: You didn’t think this story could get any better but it did. While on the Today Show, when given an opportunity to answer the question again Miss South Carolina responded with this little gem. “Well personally my friends and I, we know exactly where the United States is on our map. Don’t know anyone else who doesn’t and if the statistics are correct I believe there should be more emphasis on geography in our education so people will learn how to read maps better.” So she’s saying her and her super rich blonde posse all know how to find the US on a map (that IS quite amazing) and all we need to do is learn how to read maps better? Ummmmmmmm k.

Owen Wilson was hospitalized in Santa Monica over the weekend after he cut his left wrist and took an “undetermined number of pills.”

Wilson was found in his home by a relative, sources are speculating it was his brother Andrew, unconscious with an empty bottle of pills laying next to him. 911 was called and after some treatment by the EMT’s Owen Wilson was taken to the hospital for treatment, then sent to Beverly Hills’ Cedars-Sinai Hospital for detoxification and dehydration.

Family and friends, including Luke Wilson and Andrew Wilson, have been visiting Sunday but no updates have been given about his current condition.

I’ll try to keep everyone updated as more news comes out. We’re pulling for you Owen.

Nicole Richie was sentenced to some jail time for her December 2006 DUI which she started serving last night. Unfortunately for mankind, she also got OUT of jail last night. Yes, thats right folks, Nicole Richie spent 82 minutes (of her already huge 4 day sentencing) in jail and lived to tell about it…barely.

For those of you who aren’t so great on the math side Nicole Richie paid her dues to society for a DUI+ and stayed in jail for a whole 1 hour and 22 minutes. Not even 1 hour and 30 minutes. I mean…come on, round it off at least. But alas, a spokesman says it was simply do to an over crowded jail. Oh! Well that makes sense.

Okay, I know she’s pregnant and all, but the thing is, TONS of pregnant women go to jail for a lot longer than that. You see, it’s a little something called THE LAW! But we have Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and now Nicole Richie getting these incredibly weird light sentences and it seems to boggle the mind, but not mine. No, I’ve figured it all out. These judges have been given the burden of tourist commercials.

That’s right. In a seemingly new campaign by the Californians I think these judges are simply saying, “Come to California! The women are sticks, the clubs are hot and the alcohol flows free. Don’t have a designated driver? No problem! In California we let you drive around drunk. And don’t worry about those DUI’s, they are more like a get out of jail free card.”

So, we get it justice system. It’s just an elaborate commercial to get people to vacation in California more. We all get it…you can stop…please stop.

Yesterday it was announced that Victoria Secret model Bridget Moynahan gave birth to a baby boy!

This is baby number one for Bridget Moynahan and New England Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady, but also their last, as he skipped out on her when they found out she was pregnant. Now THAT is class.

No word on what the good gened baby boy will be named, or any other pesky details about height and weight, but sources say mom and baby, staying in a hospital in Los Angeles, are both doing well.

Congrats you crazy kids!

NOTE: Bridget Moynahan and Tommy Brady just released the name of their baby. Dut Duh Dun! John Edward Thomas Moynahan. That’s right, JET…M.

I seriously doubt anyone else has seen Stardust staring Robert Deniro, Michelle Pfeiffer, Claire Danes and Sienna Miller, so I thought I’d review it so that someone besides me actually sees it.

Stardust was a fun and whimsical adventure fairytale about a boy named Tristan promises “his beloved that he’ll retrieve a fallen star by venturing into the magical realm.” This quest leads him to find Yvaine, Claire Danes, who turns out to be a star and they embark on their own adventure to not only get “the star” to Tristan’s beloved (more like beeyoootch) but to keep people, namely Michelle Pfeiffer’s witch character, from finding the star, cutting out her heart and eating it to make her and her evil sisters young again.

I know, Stardust sounds really geeky but it’s great. The nerdiness redeems itself with an awesome cast and memorable comedic moments.

A brilliant Deniro plays a dainty pirate, Captain Shakespeare, who leans towards homosexual tendencies while keeping up a barbaric and scary facade for his crew and the rest of the world because as he says “A reputation takes a lifetime to build and seconds to break.” It is worth it to see Stardust simply to see Deniro in this never before seen hilarious roll. Another fun additive is the cast of ghost brothers who killed each other for the thrown. The brothers keep getting killed off and in the ghostly line up throughout the movie. They are our brilliant comedic relief through the drama and sword fighting.

All in all I just have to recommend that you see Stardust. It’s a brilliant story that doesn’t take itself too seriously and in a world that is going through all this turmoil, it’s nice to see another original fairytale.

Stardust gets 5/5 LJ stars

Over the weekend Michael Vick plead guilty to dogfighting charges and faces a possible 12 to 18 month prison sentence.

Is it just me or do you think illegal dog fighting as well as murdering innocent dogs should get a little more than a year? I don’t know, how about 5 years. It’s not like Michael Vick tortured these animals by dressing them up for his tea party. No folks, Michael Vick bought a bunch of innocent dogs for the sole (or souless) purpose of abusing them until they were angry, setting up fight to the death matches between two dogs and then actually KILLING some of the dogs with his bare hands.

So anyway, I guess Vick denied everything until he found out that his three accomplices, who had already pleaded guilty to the same charges, decided to rat him out.

Michael Vick’s lawyer said “Mr Vick has agreed to enter a plea of guilty to those charges and to accept full responsibility for his actions and the mistakes he has made. Michael wishes to apologize again to everyone who has been hurt by this matter.”

Is it just me or did his lawyer say mistakes? Mistake like “Whoops I beat that dog so badly he ripped apart that other dog.” Or is it like “Whoops I beat that dog to…death!”

I know everyone just wants to forgive him and have him hurry up and serve less than half of the proposed sentence and let him build his life back and go along playing that little football game, but I only have one word for my one of my x-favorites…

…BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

On to lighter things. Last night was the “So You Think You Can Dance” Season 3 Finale and man did I end up with a smile on my face.

First of all, if you have been watching this show on FOX you’ll know the finalists were Lacey, Danny, Neil and Sabra.

Lacey is a great dancer, I mean, fantastic. She’s also last years winner, Benji Schwimmer’s, sister. The problem? Let’s just say no matter what she wears or what she dances, she throws off this sleazeville vibes that really turn the women voters (you know, the ones that actually watch the show) off. This theory was confirmed when she didn’t win last night. Whoo!

Danny is another great dancer. He’s long and lean and dances with great technique. He’s also a brother of a finalist last year, Travis Wall. The problem? For most of the season he seemed arrogant, like he didn’t want, need or enjoy the competition. He came off as a big silent jerk. “So You Think You Can Dance” is a show about America’s favorite dancer and that means you have a nice, cool personality. Luckily he turned his real self on a few weeks before the finale and while it got him further, but couldn’t win it for him in the end.

Neil. What can I say about Neil? He’s got the contemporary technique to make it smooth, the gymnastics to make it entertaining, the looks to make you swoon and a personality that has you rolling with laugher. I sort of thought it was an act at the beginning of the season but his personality kept coming out strong and he really grew on me. Once he did the “Hero/villain” dance where he got to act, I fell in love. The problem? Well nothing really, it’s just he’s a boy and boys have one every season so far. Unfortunately Neil didn’t win either. Awe.

So who won the quarter of a million dollars and the title of America’s favorite dancer on “So You Think You Can Dance”? SABRA Johnson.

Here we have this tiny and beautiful 20 year old girl from a military family back ground that has only been dancing for 4 years of her life. She is up against these people who have been dancing their entire lives. Sabra was quiet in the beginning but every time you saw her you really felt like she wanted to have her personality burst out. The problem? She was partners with Dominic who was such a bold personality it hindered hers…he also dropped her a LOT.

When people got the opportunity to switch partners is when Sabra really started to shine. She was more energetic, she shined more, she danced better and she blew us away with her personality. I might have voted for her 20 times.

Congrats Sabra! You really deserve this “So You Think You Can Dance” win!

If you’ve been following the news lately you probably know that Monday the 6th of August, 6 Utah miners were caught in a cave-in at the Crandall Canyon Mine. Since then rescue efforts have been unwavering with fellow miners trying to rescue the 6.

Last night it was reported that at 6:39 PM there was another cave-in injuring approximately 10 rescue miners. As of this morning we learned that 3 of those rescue miners died in the collapse.

University of Utah seismologist spokesman Lee Siegel has even more bad news that might mean not getting the 6 trapped miners out or at least news that would mean even more risk to rescue workers.

“These events seem to be related to ongoing settling of the rock mass following the main event,” Siegel said. “I don’t think I’m going too far to say that this mountain is collapsing in slow motion.”

It’s been about 10 days that the 6 miners have been trapped without much progress in finding them and with continuous injuries during rescuing. Things are looking bleak. But Utah, especially the Huntington community, is holding out hope, against the odds that these men can be saved.

Our hearts and prayers are with all of those affected by this situation.

To get more details as this story unfolds go to MSNBC.com.

Here’s a really twisted story for you.

Stanley Reimer was charged on Wednesday with second-degree murder. Allegedly, Mr. Reimer threw his seriously ill wife, Criste, off the balcony of their 4th floor apartment building because he couldn’t afford to pay her medical bills any longer.

Apparently Criste Reimer was suffering from neurological problems as well as uterine cancer and they couple had no medical insurance. I guess thats one way to cure cancer. *gag*

When police found her body outside of her apartment complex this morning they also found her husband just sitting in the apartment. All he could say was “She didn’t jump.”

Sick? Yes. Sicker? He actually kissed her lovingly before he tossed her over. I’d like to REIM him.

To read more on this vicious story go to MSNBC.com.

I know I’m a bit late and a dollar short as they say but I recently saw “The Bourne Ultimatum”, #3 in the Bourne series, and I thought I’d review it for you.

Now, you must know I’m fully ready and expecting to get hate mail for this but, I didn’t like it all that much. What we have here is a case of “series doldrums” if you will. If you saw “The Bourne Identity”, if you saw “The Bourne Supremacy” you’ve seen “The Bourne Ultimatum.”

The Bourne Ultimatum gave us car chases, foot chases, things blowing up, shaky camera action, intense music, Matt Damon being seriously silent, people trying to kill him, people keeping secrets, someone trying to help him, lots of brutal fights and gun shooting that hurts absolutely no one in them and a very familiar, “Where is Bourne calling from?” “Just outside/inside your office!”

Don’t get me wrong, I like these movies. It’s a good story with great acting by Matt Damon, Joan Allen, David Strathairn, Julia Stiles, who was surprisingly good and refreshing and Edgar Ramírez, the sexy foe of Bourne. My qualm with it is that the Bourne series is all pretty much the same.

They seemed to leave things open enough for a 4th but as my friends and I speculated what that might be like, it doesn’t seem likely. The Bourne Student; Jason Bourne (or whoever he is) applies to the local community college. Will he graduate at the top of his class? Oh the suspense! The Bourne Banker; Jason Bourne gets his first legit job at a bank, these office dealings will keep you on the edge of your seat.

All in all I give The Bourne Ultimatum 3.5/5 LJ Stars.

Let the hate begin.