It’s recently been announced that Kelly Osbourne, Ozzy’s little girl, will join London’s Cambridge Theater’s “Chicago”. She will be playing the role of Mama Morton, the woman in charge of the prison.

Uuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

We’ve all seen the movie, or at least been annoyed enough by the ad’s for it to know that this production is filled with tons of crazy singing and dancing. I think we can all agree on that. So my question is…um…why Kelly Osbourne again? Doesn’t really seem to have the class, sophistication and talent for a gig like that. I mean, look at that picture, LOOK AT IT.

Nope, just can’t fathom the reasoning of that choice. Read the full story here on MSN.

MySpace.com found and deleted 29,000 sex offenders profiles from their site this week. That would be, registered sex offenders. I’m pretty sure there’s 1.3 million more sex offenders they’ve yet to find, but thats just because they haven’t been caught and registered yet.

If you haven’t heard of MySpace, welcome to Earth. MySpace.com is an enormously popular social networking Web site. Any time you have a site like this, that’s popular to teens and pre-teens, even though the site says you must be 16 or older to join, is going to have problems with dirty old men/woman coming online and trying to lour the kids.

But 29,000 registered sex offenders? Thats four times the amount MySpace reported just 2 months ago. Seriously, who could blame those sickos? 13 year old girls lie to sign up, divulge anything from their full name and town to their exact phone numbers right on their profile. Not to mention putting photos of themselves and their friends up, fake kissing, fake groping.

Before anyone gets upset no I don’t think anyone is “asking for it” but I’m just dying that kids that age are getting that gross so fast and it does suit the sex offenders needs! Parents, open your eyes.
I don’t know about you, but ever since MySpace.com has been around I’ve heard case after case about how a child got raped, molested, almost kidnapped by some old guy they met through, you guessed it, MySpace. MSNBC cites “Most recently, a Virginia man pleaded guilty Monday to kidnapping and soliciting a 14-year old girl he met on MySpace.”

The plan to clean up sites like this including MySpace and Facebook is this: Require children to receive parental permission before creating social networking profiles, and require the Web sites to verify the parents’ identity and age.

Well I guess we’ll see. I say we put all the sex offenders in the world on a deserted island, and no one of them fancy types with white sandy beaches, a plethora of bananas and coconuts and talking monkeys for friends. I’m talking more like an island with sharp rocks for sand, leeches for nourishment and cannibals for company.

Click here to see the whole story at MSNBC.

*Sigh* Lindsay Lohan got arrested this morning for a DUI, driving on a suspended license and possession of narcotics. No, this isn’t deja vu. This is real live new news.

This arrest comes only about a week after Lohanigans exit from that place they called rehab but it was really just like a hotel, coming and going to parties and the gym as she pleased.

When she got out of “rehab” she wore an alcohol monitoring ankle bracelet to silence her critics and prove she could stay sober in every way shape or form. The only shame is it doesn’t pick up on crack, heroine or anything of the like as well as the fact that no one ever actually checked it for alcohol. Ummmmm.

A witness says they saw Lindsay chasing another car and thats when they called the police. They police pulled her over and her blood alcohol level was between 0.12 and 0.13, far from the 0.08 legal limit anyway. Then she pretty much just begged to be in bigger trouble when the police found cocaine in her pants pocket.

Look Linds, if you are going to be insanely drunk and cracked up you are going to need a better game plan. 1. If you are higher than a kite, at least don’t drive around. 2. If you are higher than a kite and HAVE to drive around, find a better place to stash the cocaine than your own dang pocket.

*Hanging my head in shame for Lindsay Lohan*

So now Lindsay Lohan is back in rehab. I’m not sure if it’s real rehab or just “rehab” so it will be interesting to see what happens. Dang, and I was really rooting for her too.

Tammy Faye Bakker, ex-wife of televangelist Jim Bakker, died Friday at the age of 65 from cancer.

It really is a tragedy. Even though she’s been mocked for her interesting make-up choice and participating largely in televangelism Tammy Faye Bakker, later changed to Messner after she remarried, has done a lot of good.

She and her ex-husband created Praise the Lord ministry in 1972. She was the first televangelist to try and help people with AIDS. Tammy Faye even had a Christian theme park which became America’s third most popular tourist attraction.

One thing people remember about her whether you love her or hate her, she was always smiling and always praying for someone.

Rest In Peace Tammy Faye.

*Update: I found out that Tammy Faye Bakker died from colon cancer. In related news, the growth found in President Bush’s colon turned out not to be cancerous. Not that I wish cancer on anyone, but…isn’t this a little backwards?

What I meant to say is that if you didn’t think she was crazy before with the shaving of the head and drugs and almost killing her own kids and dragging around animals by their necks, I’ve just received confirmation that Britney Spears is a total whack job.

Yesterday Britney Spears was seen pulling over to the side of the road with her little dog and then she began to run around wildly yelling and taking off her dress. Don’t worry someone had grabbed the dog by then.

She then proceeded to start going into the apparently very chilly ocean in her hot pink ill fitting bra and her unmatching cheek showing panties. Then she laughed hysterically as someone (a friend? a passerby?) came into the water after her in an actual bathing suit and escorted her out.

So…yeah…I don’t really know what to think anymore. She may be insane in the membrane but at least she’s looking a tad better these days. I do pray for her children, and animals, nightly though.

Harrel Franklin Braddy, an ex-con, was convicted yesterday for attempting to murder Shandelle Maycock and leaving her 5 year old baby girl Quatisha in the Everglades to get eaten alive by alligators in 1998.

I know, you are horrified, in total shock aren’t you? I know I am.

In November of 1998 Braddy went into the home of Maycock and when she asked him to leave he became totally enraged and began choking her until she was unconscious.

The Associated Press reports, “He choked Maycock until she was unconscious and then forced her and Quatisha into his car, the woman testified. At one point, Maycock gained consciousness, grabbed the child and jumped out of the moving vehicle. Braddy stopped, choked the woman again and put her in the trunk, she testified. Maycock never saw her daughter again.”

He took baby Quatisha into a place called “Alligator Alley” and dropped her in the water there. The ME reported that the girl was still alive when the alligators started biting at her and she was found 2 days later missing an arm and with bite marks in her head.

Shandelle Maychock lived but woke up bleeding miles away from her home and she’ll never get to see her daughter again.

What really pisses me off is that this guy was already in prison for attempted murder but only served 13 years of the 20 years he was sentenced to. Yeah, he got released early on good behavior. “Oh Harrel, you haven’t killed someone in years! Go on now and have a ball!” What did they think would happen?

AP, “Braddy was convicted of seven counts including first-degree murder, attempted murder, kidnapping, burglary and escape. He faces the death penalty.”

He faces the death penalty? See, here’s whats wrong with that. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who not only wants to see this guy die today, but wishes it could be by their own hand.

I vote that whenever an incident like this happens everyone who is pissed off and wants to take action stands in a big old line and we each get to either punch him in the face or kick him in the nuts…or both. And then if that doesn’t kill them the surviving victims or their families get to decide how he dies. Perhaps…by alligator? Sure I’m morbid but can you believe this man is still alive?

To get the full story from MSNBC click here.

Jon Lovitz and Andy Dick have been feuding, unbeknownst to the general public I guess, for 10 years, ever since the murder of comedian Phil Hartman and last week it came to a head when Lovitz beat the crap out of Dick at The Laugh Factory.

Apparently Hartman’s wife Brynn had been drug free for something like 10 years when Andy Dick gave her some cocaine and urged her to give it another whirl. After the alleged incident it’s been reported that she became a once again avid drug user. Only 5 months after this Brynn Hartman shot Phil ending his life and then committed suicide.

It’s said that Lovitz has always placed some blame for what happened on Dick because it was his encouragement of drug use that might have lead to their friends death’s but that’s not even what started the fight.

Last week at The Laugh Factory Lovitz asked Dick for an apology for something Dick said a year ago “I put the ‘Phil Hartman hex’ on you - you’re the next one to die.” Dick said he didn’t remember saying it but get a pretty smug look on his face and giggled. And wouldn’t stop.

This, in turn, made Jon Lovitz so angry he just grabbed Andy Dick by his head, slammed it into a counter a few times, he started bleeding profusely from his nose and then Lovitz threw him into the wall.

Well done Jon Lovitz. You are now my personal hero.

15 items or less. 20 items or less. This shopping register is dear to my heart. I usually shop in increments. When I shop I usually buy 15 items or less. This means I have the privilege of standing in the short lane at the store which allows either 20, 15 or 10 items or less.

You know what really peeves me? When people go to that line knowing full well they have more items. Now, I’m a reasonable person. If I’m standing in a 15 or less line and someone comes in with 16 or even 20 items, hey, not a big deal. I won’t think less of you, I won’t get mad or irritated, heck you won’t even get a dirty look.

Here’s the problem. You are in the 15 items or less line and someone with 30 items gets in front of you. Honestly, when that happens I just want to grab them by the collar and say “Don’t you know how to count! Go back to kindergarten!”

Seriously, the other day I was at Target and I had 3, count them, 1, 2, 3 items. I was running late to get back to work and when I went to the 15 items or less line the woman in front of me had 46 items. How do I know this? Well she took SO dang long I had time between my murderess thoughts, dirty looks and red faced rage to count each and every item. And wouldn’t you know it, while the cashier was ringing her up she grabbed some gum, a candy bar and a bottle of water. Then she said “I know I have more items…” And do you know what the cashier said to her? “*giggle* awe it’s okay.”

IS IT OK? NO it’s not okay. It might be okay for her, but for the rest of us, who actually have 5 items or less, it’s not ok and we want to kill you! But LJ, why didn’t you just go to another line? Because those were very long lines and this line, this 15 items or less line that I’m in was specifically designed for me, someone with less than 15 items so that people that had a handful of things to buy could go in a quick line and not have to wait for the people that have 50 items in their cart!

It really defeats the purpose. After 10 minutes of waiting for her to be done (oh yes, she had the gall to write a check!) as she walked away I simply said “46!” What makes her so important the rules just don’t apply to her?

Here’s a hint: When you go to the grocery store and you have more than 10, 15 or 20 items, have the common decency to go into a regular lane. Other wise the people behind you will probably plot was to A) Poke your eyes out, B) Dismember you or C) Just plain kill you. Because I swear, one day you line stealer’s are going to be in front of the wrong person.

Oh SNNNNNNAP!

I don’t know about you but I really like cooking, which means I really like watching The Food Network which means that in the slow summer months The Next Food Network Star becomes one of my regular shows.

The Next Food Network Star is basically a culinary competition that starts with 11 culinary hopefuls and through lots of challenges each week 1 person gets eliminated by 3 Food Network judges.

Last night we were down to 3 contestants. Rory, a down home Texas beauty, Amy, the Frenchy gourmet nextdoor, and JAG, the G.I. with Latino flare. When it came down to it though I guess for some reason they had to eliminate Amy, making Rory and JAG the 2 finalists that America gets to vote to be The Next Food Network Star. Right? WRONG.

During the last 5 minutes of the show it comes out that bi-polar, tight lipped, “you never know which one of me your gonna get” JAG has lied about his past. *Gasp* JAG told us that during his military experience he got a chance to serve in Afghanistan. LIE. JAG also told us he graduated from culinary school. LIE.

The Food Network judges had to bring him back to the studio to talk about the “rumors” and JAG confirmed the rumors were true, he’s a fraud. That really bites you know. He really grew on us and he was one of the final 2 and it comes out he’s just a big liar. I don’t know about anyone else but I feel totally betrayed, I was going to vote for the guy. Then he gives some sob story to the judges and on his exit interview, not even explaining why he did it except “I’m immature.” Yeah, whatever JAG.

So that means Amy gets to come back and battle it out with Rory for the place of The Next Food Network Star. I’m sort of glad Amy’s back, though I’m voting for Rory. I just can’t believe the twist of events in a Food Network show…in the summer time, on a Sunday night. Who knew.

You can vote for either Rory or Amy by going to the Food Network’s website and then catch the finale of The Next Food Network Star Sunday, July 22 at 9/8c.

I wasn’t really excited about Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix coming out this week, that was until I caught an special on the A&E called Harry Potter: The Hidden Secrets. Their theories and montage of Harry, Ron and Hermione brought a tear to my eye and turned me totally geek for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

Where to start with Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix? This whimsical, action packed story of inner strength and friendship is enough to bring a tear to any eye, really tugs at your heart strings and it grossed $44.8 million in its first day alone.

In this latest installment in the J.K. Rowling novels Harry and his friends, some old (Ron and Hermione), some new (Luna Lovegood), band together in what they call Dumbledore’s Army to get ready against the coming evil they know as Lord Voldermort.

Making their growth especially difficult is suffocatingly pink Professor Dolores Umbridge who comes to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to straighten out the staff and students for good. Who knew pink could be deliciously evil? She does an amazing job of making you hate her. She just pissed me off basically.

The cinematography in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was some of the best I’ve ever seen. It was suspenseful, dark, very mysterious and had a dash of death thrown in for good Harry Potter measure.

The general consensus is the movie is better if you’ve read the book, so if you’ve been lazy go pick up Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix at your local bookstore and then get your movie ticket you schulp.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix gets 5/5 LJ stars!